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Just when you think that the best phase of your life has began.
There comes the speeding car tossing you over in the air and taking you back to square one. I have just completed my graduation and I have no idea of what I want to do. Yes, I am annoyed of "Ab kya plan hai aage ka ?"
Yes, when you reply to that question with am still trying to figure that out, the expressions on other person's face will make you question your own instinct. But you know what, you don't have to do that because sometimes it's okay to not be a part of the herd.  My friends are either starting with their B-schools or their first day at work and here I am eating pizzza and sipping coffee while going through online portals to figure out what is it that interests me.

The situation gets worse when your parents ask you why are you not signing up for some B-school.
This is the most challenging part but also the most growing phase. I know what i take up now, might not be able to change or swap from that field later. So why not take time and make a decision that's going to help me the best. It's okay to take risk and to explore because that's how you'll know what exactly are you capable of. I don't want to take a decision that's not going to bring me inner happiness.

I trust myself and that's what matters. In the end I don't want to blame anyone apart from myself for the decisions taken now.

Trust me it's completely okay to not know what you want to do. You are the most safest person and can dwell easily. So dont feel guilty or depressed, there are many like us. Also the most famous personalities didnt know what they wanted to do, they explored and nurtured. 

Decisions!

This time I won't just follow the herd. I'll be something for myself instead.
When you have something of that sort set as your goal, what will it feel like to eventually follow the herd ?
Getting graduated how exciting may sound but that's the hardest part of life. People believe that graduating is only bad because you have to leave your friends behind. Instead it's the big decision that you need to make. I have been struggling with that lately, everyone around me is either having a job or is all planned to pursue MBA from any XYZ college. I am the one who still wants to decide what exactly she wants to do. If I think about taking up a job and then pursuing MBA later, there are consequences. I don't get the job of my dream. Well tbh I never thought graduating would be so tough. I feel like a pendulum that keeps oscillating from MBA to JOB. Well I know there is something really good in store for me but that doesn't mean that i don't run my horses. I want to be sure that I find that something real soon, I know patience plays a great role in deciding my course of action but when you see your batchmates getting all geared up for the next big thing. That feeling that you get is just not describable. I don't know where my angel is hiding. Come out Bitch I NEED YOU
Well, let's just hope I find that next big thing and I shine bright.
One thing that i learnt from these 3 years of college is that I'll find something better for sure. I just need to keep hunting. Also it's never too late to try something new and decide your path.

Trying too hard not to Regret

You know there is this time when all you really can think of is how exactly you are not doing what you actually ought to do in life.
There are situations in life when all that you thought of, can't just be you know pulled out in the form it was supposed to be. Time is like flying at a pretty fast pace but you can't just do anything about it. Things are running out of hand and still you cant do anything about it. Its not like you don't want to do anything but actually that what you thought you can do to curb the situation is not exactly how it's happening. Things are running out of hand and they will run out of hand, if you couldn't do anything about it. Trust me you still cant do anything about it. Because thats how life actually works, you know.
If you are trying too hard to make things right, then stop right away. I know people will ask you to never stop trying but trust me sometimes you are yourself when you stop trying and admit that things wouldn't probably work out the same way now.
Every time you think that maybe I could have done a little more or I could have given in a little more to make things okay. Yes, you are doing yourself a harm. Please don't do that. Because the pain of loosing will never be more than the pain of regret. So don't regret. If you have done something that makes you regret, remember you did it because it was meant to be.
There are times when regret will actually change the way you look at things but it can be in a negative way as well. So lovelies just don't regret and stop trying. Because life isn't actually that hard as you think it is. And there are times when you won't regret and you will stop trying, you know why?
Because you are happy with how you don't have to try and regret.
That Happy Place is what Peace actually looks like.

This and That

Sometime's you're left to make choices, you are stuck on that milestone of life where you have to decide which way is going to prove right in the long run. You will be on the verge of giving up but it's for you to decide whether you actually want to give up or fight. Because in the end you are the one who's responsible for your choices.
There might be situations when you have to fight hard amongst the choices but you need to understand that life is all about making mistakes. Well we have heard alot about life being all about second chances, then what's the harm. If your instinct tells you to take up something, take it right up. No second thoughts. Because people will always try to bring you down but are you actually going to give up ? Naah, I won't.
So take responsibility for your actions because it's your's to take and always remember you are never too old to try something new.

Well after all this philosophical stuff, I want to just say NEVER GIVE UP

Is He the only He that I talk about ?

He is the only person whom I can depend on for anything, sometimes I feel maybe I shouldn't be so dependable but then I know he will always be there. I have been through some really thick and thins in life and surely I always found him by my side. He is like the moon always giving a dose of shine to my life even in the dark. I don't know what life will be when I have to leave him. My heart sinks at the thought that there will be times when I would possibly be dying to see him. Who will fulfil my wishes as soon as they are uttered, who will take me for trips that are the only peace of mind for me? I seriously don't know how I'll be able to manage life without his support. The things that he has been doing for me or for that matter the sacrifices he made to make sure that I get what I desire. I don't know whether I'll be able to do the same. The feeling of him stressing out over my future really hurts me because I know how much stress he already has to deal with. I just don't want him to be tensed because of me. I want to make sure that all the hard work put in by him actually pays off. I don't want him to feel as if he couldn't do enough for me. I want to prove it to him that his daughter won't  let him down ever.
Yes, I am talking about my DAD here. I have been going through a lot of blogs lately and I was wondering, people write about being broken by some shitty piece of ass, they will write about the girl who didn't accept his proposal and shit. Never have I read a blog on how actually your parents made you this genius that you could fucking get in here and write.

So my Dad has always been an inspiration for me. No matter how small an entrepreneur he is, there is never a single time that I have not been proud of having him as my parent. I really hope that the way he taught me essential life lessons I am also able to do. I want to say thank you to him for never giving up on a sad soul like me. I actually don't know why daughters have to leave their parents place after marriage, I mean how will I actually be able to survive life without him being an integral part. I am certainly hoping to be a person like him. But I know thats really far for me. In that case I'll try to make sure that his efforts and time and money spent on this little girl don't go to waste. Also he is the only guy who can make me cry and trust me I won't even feel bad about it. He is my one and only true superficial hero.

DENIAL (Part-1)

During this journey that I had to travel alone, was something and someone that really kept me intact. It was like a breeze in the ocean, everything felt so good and exciting. I could pay anything to be able to live in that moment forever. The best time of my life was there just in front of me, probably all the pain and grief I had to be through to achieve made it more pleasing for my soul. There was this sudden rush inside of me that was making me combat even the butterflies that each passing moment gave me. Sometimes I guess if we stop cribbing over the things we don't have and instead enjoy what actually is near us, life can be more adventurous. Pleasant and soothing thats something that can supposedly describe the feeling I was going through that day. The day begun with my cup of coffee resting by my side which usually is a pain to make in the morning. After all the mild shower and dressing up in the dress that was really pretty. I decided to let this day be just another normal day. When you think that you'll not let this day be bad to you thats when the real deal begins. After tossing myself on the road in that sucky pair of heels because my car had decided not to be good to me today. I was so messed up that I didn't realise how late I had been to work. So I was ready for the amount of vexation that bossy head is going to throw my way but to my sudden realisation he was actually smiling my way today. I mean that was so new, was I looking okay ? I hope I haven't changed myself into a clown. Anyway thats so secondary to the fact that guy was actually smiling, this was the first time in 3 years I actually saw him smile towards an employee who was late to work. 

Her Dealings

She was purely a piece of mess. What made her that was the question?
Well, all she ever wanted was to be loved but with every passing hour, life wasn't fair to her. Did she ask for too much? 
Her intriquice's were marking a level that hasn't yet been to. Was she still being an introvert?  Life couldn't give her the reward she deserved. Why wouldn't her patience reach a breaking point?
She was looking for true love, someone who can be with her without any questions and queries. Was she asking too much? 

She was afraid of falling in love.